It’s no secret that parenting can be challenging. If you’re trying to raise children who are strong but obedient, confident but empathetic, or any other combination of dualistic traits, it can feel overwhelming. If you’re the mother of a girl in today’s world, the task of raising her may seem daunting.

In a recent digital summit offered by Goals for Girls, a Young Living Foundation partner who teaches young women leadership skills and encourages them to create community change, soccer stars Nathalie Mathis and Bri Kropinack offered four tips for raising strong girls that might make your job a little easier:

Have your daughter hold up all 10 of her fingers, then put one finger down for each statement she agrees with:

• I compare myself to others.
• I let fear keep me from doing something new or challenging.
• I worry what others think of me.
• I attach my self-worth to my performance.
• I often have negative thoughts.
• I have trouble letting go of past performances.
• I over-analyze mistakes.
• I perform better in practice situations than in performances or games.
• I’m mostly motivated by external rewards and recognition.
• I like to keep it safe and in the comfort zone.

The more fingers your daughter puts down, the farther away she is from the optimal state of self-confidence, which is when she trusts in her own abilities and truly believes she can handle any challenge or obstacle. Of course, helping her avoid self-confidence draining thoughts can be difficult as they take place in her head. Consider doing the exercise with her and talking about your thought process as you work through your own weaknesses.

Bri also shared some advice she learned from a mental-health professional at her university for subduing those negative thoughts: buy her a special notebook and have her take the time to write down the things she did well at a specific event, game, or performance, or at a specific time. Record at least three. Then replace three negative thoughts with three of those positive ones.

• Being acquainted with voices that are important to her, and knowing why.
• Helping her identify both the ways in which her voice—or the tone of things she says to others--is similar to others (i.e., is it encouraging? Scary? Confusing? Helpful?) and the ways in which it’s different. Uniqueness can’t be defined without a definition of what it’s unique from. You, as her parent, can probably see the ways in which she can or could shine. Are there activities you could do or do more frequently with her to help her see those ways more clearly?